Today Kari, Olivia, Kelsey, Alyssa and I all too a day trip to Pisa. It was lots of fun! We enjoyed the sunshine and 60 degree weather :) For a round trip train ticket, a leaning tower figurine, 4 postcards, lunch, a drink and gelato, the total cost for today was about 21 Euros. I think that's amazing! I'm very excited to take my mom there this March! All day today I kept thinking of things I wanted to show mom when she comes to visit. I'm so excited to see her and happy I have something to look forward to.
Though today I did have some down moments seeing all of the happy couples. It's amazing how many you see once you're newly single. And I wasn't looking for couples, I trying to do the opposite. After I got home, I noticed that Mitch deleted me as a friend on Facebook. That really hurts I have to admit. Yes I told him I couldn't be friends with him so it shouldn't surprise me that he did it, and though it doesn't make sense, I still wanted to be friends with him on Facebook. I still wanted some small connection to one of the happiest moments of my life. And it really tears me up that he deleted me. I think the reason he did though was for me. It was his way of helping me get him out of my life so I could move on. The Mitch I know would do something like that. Though by some I was advised not to (and advised by some to), I sent Mitch a message.
"Mitch,
This will probably be the only message I will send you. But I wanted you to know that I'm sorry I hurt you. I didn't mean to make you cry and I didn't want to make you feel like we couldn't be friends on fb. You were after all, a special moment in my life. I just wanted distance to help myself get over you. If you wanted to delete me as a friend that's fine, I understand, and I don’t want to know. I just thought I'd tell you that's not something I was going to do. You don't have to respond to this either if you don't want to. I was just explaining my side. I hope you're handling everything well. And I really hope you are happier now.
~Katie"
I'm not sure if that was the right thing to do, but I wanted him to know that I wasn't trying to be mean. Yes I deleted all of my profile pics of us two and untagged him and me of every photo we had together but I didn't want to see them all of the time. After all Facebook loves to post photo memories. I couldn't see a pic of us two happy together. Not right now. A part of me also hopes that he doesn't respond (a part of me does though). I don't want to cause drama. I just wanted to explain. If he responded with something kind and short that wouldn't require a response or rebuttal, I'd be more at peace. But I don't want him to respond with something mean. I'm kind of scared about the outcome but I pray it turns out ok. The message just felt like something I had to send.
So today started out pretty well and I was feeling strong. I was not concentrating about Mitch and thinking that maybe this was for the better. There were things about our relationship that wasn't quite right. And I also thought that maybe being in Florence was a good thing. Instead of being at school or home where I have so many memories of us two, I'm in a city and a country that has no connection to him what's so ever. It's like I get to get away from those memorable places for a while. I believe most people wish they could do that after a break up. By the time I have to face those memorable places again, 3.5 months will have gone by and I should be strong enough to face them. I'm attempting to look on the bright side of things. However, right now I'm feeling pretty broken again. I haven't cried yet today but I'm on the verge to. The nights are always harder than the days.
But I am happy to say that my trip to Pisa was a success! I didn't get pick-pocketed or get on the wrong train or buy the wrong ticket. That's pretty good for not knowing what you're exactly doing. Again, I want to thank everyone for the support. And please keep giving it because this is one of the toughest moments of my life and I'm going to need support for a little bit longer.
Ciao, Katie
No comments:
Post a Comment